Two Poles of Grief

By the End of the First Week

One of the most extraordinary things for me was the unexpected pole swing going on inside me between massive cascades of sorrow and miniature fountains of joy. I certainly didn't expect anything like it.

There are two poles to this grief. At one pole there is an abundance of grace and glory. Paul says that we do not sorrow as others who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4:13). He is so right.

When I cling to this pole I am filled with hope, the reassurance of redemption, absolute confidence in the restoration that is already at work in our lives. And even if I am not purposefully clinging to this pole, the never-failing strength of His Everlasting Arms reaches out from this pole, under-girding literally all of my moments with unshakeable convictions of His love, His presence, His wisdom, and His power. I do not feel His presence, but the knowledge of His closeness is like a sixth sense permeating everything. The inexhaustible power of this pole comes from the eternal Truths that compose it and because He is the Truth, the Way, and the Life, these truths are not cold and distant, but warm and radiant with Life.

Here there are tears of joy at the thought of June's release from the enemy's cruel grip that had so often squeezed all love of life from her heart. And there are tears of joy also at the thought of her safe arrival (after so many desperate years of struggling hard to become one who could enter eternity as an Overcomer) that has been so stunningly revealed to us. Here there are new commissions, intimations of the divine reversal coming as our righteous Lord seeks vengeance against her enemies and His, and hints of the overflow of good that the Lord intends to bring out of this deep well of tragedy. Here there is so much joy in the making that I have to be careful not to turn it into a maypole and start dancing and singing as if there were no grief and sorrow left in my life.

The truth is, however, He has not yet turned my sorrow into dancing (Psalm 30:11) and that is not something I can do, even if I desired to have it so. No, my heart still wants to grieve and will not suffer that grief to be prematurely removed. And so, I am drawn to that other pole, the one where the pain and sorrow of this wrenching separation are so keenly felt.

Here it is all tears and hard, unbending loss. Here it is still at times impossible to believe that this unthinkable event has actually happened. Here it is unimaginably hard to look into the next 25 years or so (whatever I am given) without her by my side where she is supposed to be. This was a death that didn't have to happen! It could have been so easily avoided that even as I embrace the wrongness of it, I have to be careful not to turn this pole into a whipping post and scourge myself for what I could not foresee.

I can testify that in the embrace of this pole there is nothing else to do but weep. For those who mourn, tears are the only thing that really work to bring release (through many are the things that bring relief) and it is the Man of Sorrows Himself who recommends them when He says that there is a blessing on those who mourn (Matthew 5:4). One day, death will be swallowed up in victory (1 Corinthians 15:54) even within my own grieving heart. I can honestly say that I see that day coming. The distance between these two poles is not very far even now

Here is the thing. Both poles are good, necessary, and helpful for the mending of my heart. I go forward between them as I have freedom from their grip because when I am fully embraced by one pole or the other, going forward is not an option. Only standing and rejoicing or falling and weeping can go forth. I cease doing the next right thing outwardly, as inwardly I find myself becoming united ever more fully either with the Man of Sorrows or with the God of Hope.

Scripture

But we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope. 1 Thessalonians 4:13

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the assemblies. To him who overcomes I will give to eat from the tree of life, which is in the Paradise of my God. Revelation 2:7 WEB

You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; you have loosed my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks to you forever! Psalm 30:11-12

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Matthew 5:4

When the perishable puts on the imperishable, and the mortal puts on immortality, then shall come to pass the saying that is written: Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting? 1 Corinthians 15:54-55

All scripture citations are from the English Standard Version (ESV) unless otherwise noted.