An Overview of the Terrain

Grief is a journey, a faith journey. Don't think of it as a weekend conference where everything is worked out in advance so that all you have to do is sing songs and take notes. It's more like an old-fashioned pilgrimage where devoted travelers trudged faithfully and prayerfully for a hundred miles or more to finally arrive at their distant destination. Just such a pilgrimage is exactly how the Bible describes it:

Blessed are those whose strength is in you; who have set their hearts on a pilgrimage. Passing through the valley of Weeping [Baca], they make it a place of springs. Yes, the autumn rain covers it with blessings. They go from strength to strength. Every one of them appears before God in Zion. Psalm 5-7 WEB

There is so much packed into these three little verses. First, the blessing. It's no blessing to lose a loved one. The blessing (according to Jesus) is on those who mourn those who carry their grief to God, for that's what true grieving requires to accomplish it. Here, the blessing is specifically given to those whose strength is in [God]. The pain of grief teaches us that we have no strength of our own to either defeat it or heal it. We can barely trudge on from day to day. But if we lean into God, we will discover that His strength is enough to see us through. If we already have confidence that His strength is our strength, we are halfway home. Otherwise, the journey will eventually grow that kind of faith in us.

This blessing extends especially to those "who set their hearts on pilgrimage." This tells us that we can't be slack about it and expect to get anywhere. Settle these issues: Are you going to take this pilgrimage? Are you going to do it the right way? Are you going to go through it all the way to the desired end? Are you daily going to seek God's help and strength so that you can? Then, this blessing is already coming upon you!

The Valley of Tears

Grieving is a genuine "valley of tears." As in any valley, we are hemmed in by walls on both sides, shutting out our vision of the wider world that lies beyond our daily steps. We have little choice but to go forward, hoping that this valley won't lead us into a box canyon with no way out. In fact, the Valley of Baca will lead us to Zion, if we don't give up. Along the way, we will discover that even our tears provide refreshing ("place of springs"). Pain provokes the tears, but in giving them to God a sweetness returns to us that eases the burden if only for a moment. I'll have more to say about tears later. One can hardly praise them enough.

All these blessings require being open to the process, believing that God will be in it with you, even if you can't sense or feel His presence as you might have in the past. God isn't the enemy; neither is grief. The Lord gives us grieving as the way to help us come through the terrible experience of death and loss that just occurred. If we shut down to either God or grieving, then our pilgrimage grinds to a painful halt. If we can manage to stay open (prayer helps), then we just might discover unexpected blessings raining down upon us, as gentle as "autumn rains" before a harvest. I literally harvested every kind word or soft look that anyone shared with me. If you are hoping for someone to fix you, you'll be disappointed for no one can. But if you can believe that the path, you're on will lead to a better day, then any kindness along the way can lift your heart momentarily into the sweetness of shared human fellowship. This, in turn, helps you turn and give thanks to God for helping you.

In this way, we go from strength to strength as He refreshes us along the way if we have the strength to stay open to His help. The easy thing is to give in to the angry or despairing feelings of our lower nature. It takes a certain amount of spiritual strength to resist this. To stay powered up will mean keeping the lines of communion and communication open to our Great Friend: reading His Word so He can speak to us, and speaking to Him through prayer. Don't hesitate to pour out your heart to Him with honesty and openness. You'll never find a better listener but try not to let it throw you if He doesn't seem to respond. Silence with the Lord is truly golden, but only if we aren't straining to get Him to say something we can hear. Silence is usually His way of saying He's present, and He's pleased with how we're doing. Trust me, He does't have any problem letting us know when He isn't!

The Heart of the Journey

Drawing closer to God and getting to know Him better is at the heart of this faith journey. It takes a great God to heal the loss of a Great Love. You were blessed by God to have been given that Great Love. Now, even that loss can carry you higher into God than you could ever have gone on your own. Would not your lost loved one want you to gain this blessing? This is what the Psalmist means by appears before God in Zion! You ultimately arrive on higher ground, closer to the Lord than before the season of grief began.

Every pilgrimage in ancient Israel was a journey towards Jerusalem from the outlying provinces. Jerusalem was built on Mount Zion in the middle of the Judean mountain range. Therefore, all travelers whether they were coming from Galilee in the North, the coastal plains to the West, or the Negev desert in the South followed routes that had them ascending to Jerusalem by journey's end.

The true nature of those heights, however, lay not in geography for Jerusalem is only 3800 feet above sea level. Nevertheless, the highest spiritual place on Earth is where the temple stood with all the glory it held, not just of architectural magnificence, but of the presence of the Holy One who had chosen to reside there. Dear Christian Pilgrim, no matter what the heights were in your life prior to this terrible loss, your God fully intends to lead you to heights you have never known. Those new heights will bring you closer to God in heaven as you set your heart to take this pilgrimage through your grief.

Prayer

Dear Lord, thank you for placing such a clear road map for us in Your Word. By it, I can see that this unwanted experience can become a pilgrimage that leads me forward. I don't need to see that future yet, but I desperately needed to know that You weren't going to let me be stranded here with these feelings of loss and pain. Under Your leadership, even my tears are filled with significance and purpose. I fully and freely choose to walk this journey of faith with You as my Guide.