What the Crisis Reveals

Life can be like playing musical chairs. When the music stops you need to find a seat, but it so easy to be caught off-balance, never expecting the good times to end. We might well wish that we were in better shape coming into the moment of trial and pain. If only we had done this or that to grow our faith, or to cultivate our relationship with God and everyone else. Then, perhaps, we could cope with it better. We wouldn't find ourselves to be so embittered, or short-tempered, or distressed. The list could go on: Where is that better version of me? Why can't I rise to the occasion? Why do I feel so lost?

In any moment, no one can help where they are at spiritually or what their emotional reactions are. All that depends upon our previous moments and the good use we made of them. Or not. We cannot control what shows up inside of us. However, we can choose how we will respond within the limits imposed by prior growth. Once the crisis of grief comes it is too late to prepare for it. For better or worse, you will have to work with your reactions just as they are and not as you would wish them to be.

The crisis of grief (like any other crisis) reveals the true state of our heart and of our spiritual life at that moment in time. Don't waste time fighting against this reality. We must accept that we are just as the crisis reveals us to be. Often, we discover that we are not as spiritually fine-tuned or mature as we had thought. The temptation is to shift the blame and make the situation, someone else or God the culprit, rather than take responsibility for our own emotional, spiritual life and go into the kind of honest confession of our weaknesses that would bring liberating humility before God.

No Condemnation!

The good news is that God doesn't hold anything against us. He will never condemn us for anything that the grief reveals of our imperfect spiritual condition. We may, but if you find yourself reproaching yourself for not being who you thought you were, then let pride take the hit. Do what Jesus does. He meets us and accepts us and comforts us right where we are (if we will let Him). In doing so, He works with others to help them see our own needs and weaknesses so that they can take care not to bruise us as they seek to comfort us. Get used to being a book that others can read at a glance. It may feel a bit risky to be so vulnerable, but in the long run, it's a good thing to be grafted into a more transparent relationship with the people around you.

It may also be humbling to realize that you are not as advanced as you thought you were. But that humbling enables us to learn from grief if we are willing and to walk in humility with our God. Let Him set the pace and show us our steps through the valley. He knows the way better than we do. It is ever one day at a time, one step at a time but the starting point is always right where we are, not where we wish we were, or imagine ourselves to be.  Grief eventually will make you a realist about yourself and bring you to many points of self-realization and honesty. The pain of it simply keeps pressing reality down upon us and the Spirit helps us confess up!

Speaking of confession, it helps to recognize if you are in anger or denial, or any other faulty condition. But it doesn't help at all to stay there once you've recognized the truth about where you're at. In other words, don't just confess your weaknesses, confess Jesus as the strong One who can help you with them. The Holy Spirit doesn't show us our weaknesses to rub our faces in them, but to get us to turn and face God with the truth we've just discovered about ourselves, no matter how bad it makes us look. Remember this: Whenever you need to look to Him for mercy, be sure to stick around and get the grace you need to help you with that area of failure (Hebrews 4:16). We need almost constant reassurance of His forgiveness and love, but we also need to become more constant at listening to Him in order to obey.

Your Starting Point

No one can take credit or blame for their starting point when the moment of tragedy strikes, and the grieving begins. Some enter grief with lots of baggage or with no faith or with flimsy faith. The important thing is to recognize where you are at and then make a quality decision to start walking forward. Of course, if you have been taking care of past issues of grief and loss and have learned how to bring your heart to the Lord for His help, you have a great advantage. Even so, it may still be no buffer against the pain. Such prior faithfulness only helps against losing ground because of the body blow. Trust me on that one.

With knowledge always comes the responsibility to act according to the knowledge received. Let mercy cover you where you can't make a better response, but where you have the grace to be willing to seek the path, then know that there is a way to go forward with clear purpose and intention. There is always a way to be directly led by God to the other side of the valley the destination for which grief is preparing you. That destination is nothing less than a new beginning.

Just know that this journey can be made faithfully. There is a clear destination in view though just what it will look like in your life is something only God can (and will) show you down the road. We do not have to abandon the high calling just because the pain is so intense or the loss so seemingly unbearable.  There is a way to go through grief as a bridal lover of Jesus determined to be found faithful, upholding His honor, and believing in the Father's goodness despite the sorrow.

Prayer

Dear God, I have to confess that I am surprised to see so many negative thoughts and feelings bubbling up from the depths of my heart and even spilling out of my mouth at times. Thank you for forgiving me for these weaknesses and for being willing to meet me where I am and not where I should be. I accept my humbled position and choose to believe that Your desire is always to grow me, never to reproach me. Thank You for covering me with such great grace!

Scripture

Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. Hebrews 4:16 ESV