Is This for You?

This is a book on grief that is not for everyone, maybe not even for very many people. It is written for those who may be a bit like myself not wanting to lay passively in the grip of grief, like those poor creatures that are caught in the jaws of vicious predators. Brace yourself for this grisly image. It came to me early on and put steel in my spiritual spine not to give up or give in. I heard someone say that alligators and crocodiles surprise their prey by a sudden attack, grabbing them in their powerful jaws and thrashing them about. Then they drag them into the water where they roll around wildly to throw their prey into confusion and helplessness. Once drowned, the lifeless carcass is jammed under a branch or system of roots to hold it for later feeding. That described exactly how I felt!

Admittedly, it is a gruesome illustration: shocking and savage. Yet, we also have an enemy who attacks the same way and would love nothing better than to tear us apart through a grief that damages and disorients us, rendering us powerless to live for God. You really don't want me to sugarcoat this, do you? If you've lost a Great Love as I did, then you're going to need a boatload of Truth to somehow recover from that mountain of pain. Jesus says that truth His kind of truth will ultimately free us. Indeed, His are the only truths that can.

Fighting Back

My immediate motivation for fighting back was that I wanted to give the devil a black eye for taking my loved one down. Secondarily, I wanted to live full speed ahead for the Lord in gratitude to Him for taking her up. Who wants to play the helpless and throttled victim?

That image may also describe how you're feeling right now: shell-shocked, angry, confused, bereft of the benefits of an active faith life. It doesn't have to be that way! The death of a loved one is a terrible blow, but it doesn't have to become life-crippling. It's true that the unexpected tearing of our hearts can leave us stunned and confused, but we don't have to let that overwhelm us.

I found that I wanted, even in the midst of grief, to make positive responses of faith to the Lord and to others for love's sake. I didn't want to take it lying down not at all. There had to be a way to cooperate with God. There had to be some way forward. There had to be a way to keep trusting God and following Jesus. I knew that Paul said we mourn, but not as those who have no hope. We are promised a passage that is different from how most people seem to go through grief.

In truth, we can learn to keep our hand on the rudder where God has placed us, at the helm of our lives. This is not to say that we can control the grief or even the pain of loss. What we can do is keep our little ship of faith pointing into the storm rather than fleeing from it. That is our choice. It is your choice. No one can take it from you. No one can make it for you.

Always a Choice

This book is written for those who despite their pain want to remain faithful and who know that we always have a choice of how we are going to respond to what happens to us in life that grief is no exception. Be encouraged. No one does this perfectly and the Lord Himself only asks this of those who are willing to become disciples. Did He not say that if we desire to be His disciples, we must be ready, willing, and able to take up our cross daily, deny ourselves and follow Him? Grieving for June was one of the hardest crosses I have even been asked to bear. Mostly, I abided crushed beneath it. Even so, although it produced a daily death in me, it also drew me to a greater resurrection. But that's getting ahead of the story. What we will need to do first is get the lay of the land that we have to struggle through and learn to tune out any misinformation coming from those who never completed the journey.

Prayer

Dear God, I'm going to need Your help with this with all of it. This grief is crushing me! But I really don't want it to crush my faith or damage my relationship with You and with the ones who still surround me in life. Guide me safely through this dark and difficult passage. I already can see that I won't do it perfectly, but please, dear God, help me do it as faithfully as I can. Help me grieve in a way that honors You and the one I've lost. Jesus, You are the way maker. Make a way for me to go and help me go through it Your way.